Lost in a daydream.

Sigh Jaye, I act like a mad woman sometimes. Like when something bad happens to me, without dealing with it rationally I'll start crying and feel that everything is turning against me. Then I'll start flooding twitter, instagram with my emo posts, only realising that I am being paranoid and dramatic after I finally calm down and try to work things out proper (they are often things that can be solved). Then I delete my posts cuz it's an eyesore to myself too. Yknow what, actually I think I just want to have myself deleted.

Sometimes I am mad to the extent that I even post when I know that I'll regret being the impulsive Serene. I really hate myself for this. Because this makes everyone see the bipolar side of me. And I'm publicly revealing how fail/loserly I am in various aspects of my life to people who don't really know/understand me. But it's hard to fight the urge sometimes. I just needed to scream it out to the world; as if if I don't I will burst like a bubble.

I've ever wondered if I have some sort of mental illness, because some thoughts I have are really kind of mental.

Initially I wanted to text you this but I know you are having a tough time yourself too (but I don't want to probe in case I bring up unhappy stuffs that you are in the midst of getting over). & you are on vacation so I thought I shouldn't be such a mood killer. Addressing this to you here is probably better than texting you. Cuz it feels like I've told you things but you are not actually being disturbed by me, until you choose to come here for a visit.

Just so you know, you are not alone in getting over. Because sometimes when you cry yourself to sleep I think I may be doing the same thing too. Since we telepathy uh? 

I hope we'll both stop crying soon. Cuz it's all in the past and (cliche as it sounds) there are much more things (that seem mistakenly insignificant in the present) to be happy about. Hope you'll wake up being a happier you. I kind of miss that kind of you. But yknow I'll still love you anyhow.